Celebritards

Posts Tagged ‘Britney Spears

Feather earrings. Abundance of necklaces. Dress that was once a staple part of the Adams’ family dining room set? Hair that looks ‘crispy’ to the touch?

Ke$ha right? WRONG!

It’s a Disney child star more famous for infuriating America’s parents with her transition to raunchy popstar. She can often be seen out and about in LA in white tank top and denim hotpants because deep at heart, she is still a good ol’ Southern gal.

Oh it’s Britney? WRONG AGAIN.

Miley Cyrus, it’s ok that you want to be a big girl. Just stop trying to be other big girls.

Cheryl Tweedy (convicted Geordie turned nation’s sweetheart) recently admitted to being ‘a little bit skanky’. So with baited breath I read on- what would be revealed? She bit her own toenails for the taste? She liked to fart in bed and dive under the covers? She’s on an eco trip and only flushes her toilet once a week? No. She… shock… sometimes wears the same pyjamas she woke up in ‘for like six hours’.

Has she never seen Jeremy Kyle? Does she not know the multi-potential-sperminators/daughters-stealing-mothers-neanderthal-boyfriends mess this county is in? Has she never been a student/unemployed/had a Tuesday off?

Is this some kind of weird ploy to get Ashley back? He is all over skanks like Lohan on a note and a mirror. Like Katona on doner and sauce. Like Britney on a Marlboro and a wee cry. You get the picture. Man up Tweedy, closest to skanky you’ve ever been is washing Ashley’s grannie panties.

Did Kristen Stewart’s Bafta award speech strike anyone else as a cause for pity/concern/derision? Seriously I felt bad. I want to organise a telethon so she never has to be in public again as it clearly distresses her so much. She accepted that award like she was coming down off of a 10 day ketamine binge and only left the K-hole when she got to the podium.

I’m not saying she is on drugs. I’m saying she should be. She should look into it. What with Michael Jackson and Brittany Murphy ducking out there must be some cracking deals on all that surplus.

Only thing more offensive than her verbal retardation (Nicholas Hoult was robbed more than a drunk tourist during Edinburgh Festival) was the sight of big R-Patz doling out some award. He looked r-a-n-k. Like he was wearing Britney Spears perfume. Do I mean ‘Curious’? No I mean the smell of fried chicken, tears, cigarettes and regret.