Celebritards

Woman from Newcastle wakes up after being in a coma for three and a half years

Posted on: February 23, 2010

“Cheryl Cole is separating from her husband Ashley Cole. Cheryl asks the media to respect her privacy during this difficult time. We have no further comment to make.”

This was the statement issued earlier that confirmed that Assley Cole is now out on his ass. Now all that is left is for Cheryl to take as much as possible of his £120k a week fortune; the house, cars and dogs (he’s already had his dogs); the friends; the public support; hell even his baggy white sexting grannie panties if she wants ’em.

We all need a decent rebound ‘cuddle’ and American dancer Derek Hough was spotted leaving her LA hotel at 4am yesterday morning. Heres hoping it was because he was demonstrating his flexibility and not having an all-us-girls-together rant about men being suuuuch pigs.

Now if only she had asked my opinion when getting ‘Mrs C’ tattooed on the back of her neck. I would have said ‘Chez, no way doll. Not only is that a skanktastic place to get a tattoo but no man is worth being branded for (apart from Russell naturally).

She might want to rethink the lyrics of say…. ALL of her album.

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